Happy birthday to my brother Neville today. He would have been 61.. ha.. so hard to picture him as an old man..
The years pass, the ache lessens but the pain of what could have been never goes away. The guilt, the did i say enough, did I do enough, did I hug and love enough is always with me.
Becauses it’s birthday time for me as well, it’s always been a hard few days, this year I brought myself to the city so i could be surrounded with people, people I know and people I don’t, in an attempt to regain my perspective on the world. We get taught so much from the trials and the pains of life. This year my goal was to see what I should learn from losing him so early.
We wandered into the city and spent the day amidst the shoppers and marchers in wet n windy weather. The rain seemed to reflect my feelings on life yesterday – gloomy and heavy – yet somehow a need in order for growth. Everywhere I went, people talking about how much we NEED the rain. A simple understanding that we need the gloom, in order to blossom – Lesson Number One.
I saw People who drove past me in their Mercedes and laugh while they splashed muddy road water up my legs, and the people who sat in the rain asking for money for food, smiling and giving thanks for the coins dropped in their hat – You Do not need to be a wealthy person to be kindhearted and grateful for your blessings – Lesson Number Two
I saw heartfelt hugs and tears of goodbye at the Railway Station, I saw kids running and Dads catching and squeezing these kids hello at the airport – There is never enough time to hug, love and squeeze your family, Do it anyway. Lesson Number Three.
I also realised that being the love I had for my brother has never diminished, i just haven’t had a way of sharing it with him since 1986 – thankfully I have managed to hatch a whole tribe of people that I get to squeeze tight instead since then. I know now that love is love – its universal, and that the hugs I give one person resonates to another regardless. Lesson Number Four.
And as I sit here this morning, blubbering as has become my June 12 morning ritual since 1986, I finally realise why I do what I do.
Why I share the need for people to understand that life is short and that we need to do what makes us happy, that we need to tell the people around us that we love them, and we need to say it often, that the world runs on love, and that we need to lift the vibration of the world by sharing that love. Why I strive to impart my knowledge of how to change life, how to lift yourself by lifting others… because i have a never ending guilt that maybe I failed this wonderful man all those years ago. Lesson Number Five.
Can you do me a favour today? Stop right now and tell the person that is next to you that you love them. That you care. That the world is better off for them being in it.
Because everyone needs to know that. Everyone needs to hear that. Especially today.
For all of you who knew the man who was my brother, thank you for all that you did for him, for knowing him and loving him, and know that his memory will never fade.